Dementia
by wanderingassassin
Summary: AUish Heero Yuy, Preventer agent and exwar veteran, is admitted into a mental institute after unspeakable traumatizing events. To treat him is the young Dr. Quatre Winner who has been praised as the institute’s best. Deathfic.


**Category: **Gundam Wing  
**Rating: **PG-13+ for adult themes  
**Author: **Lucy the Wandering Assassin (AKA Fishie)  
**Disclaimer: **Gundam Wing is the property of Bandai and Sotsu Agency. I claim no ownership, and no profit is being made from this work of fiction.  
**Spoilers:** The outcome of the war, and a prison scene  
**Genre: **General. Mental instability and some weirdness. Deathfic  
**Progress: **Finished  
**General Notes: **This work of fiction was concocted despite my unwilling muse. There isn't much for me to say, aside from the fact that it is somewhat weird and inconclusive.  
**Thanks to:** My friend J for encouraging me to write despite my lack of ideas.  
**Music: **Gladiator OST; Braveheart OST; Spirited Away OST  
**Dedications: **To all writers suffering from writer's block. May this weird little piece inspire you (or send you reeling in aversion) at what can be done without a functioning muse.  
**Summary: **Heero Yuy - Preventer agent and ex-war veteran - is admitted into a mental institute after unspeakable traumatizing events. To treat him is the young Dr. Quatre Winner who has been praised as the institute's best when it came to psychotic soldiers.

* * *

**Dementia**

In early August, Preventer agent and ex-war veteran Heero Yuy was admitted into Fitzpatrick Mental Institute, an exclusive institute especially for mentally unstable military personnel, at the age of twenty-two. His case was assigned to Dr. Quatre Winner, a young doctor who has been praised as one of the institute's best.

* * *

15th August

It has been two weeks since Heero first arrived here, and so far, he is showing no signs of improving. His bouts of psychosis are random, with no apparent causes, and range from incoherent mutterings to himself to dangerous attacks on himself, the orderlies and his fellow inmates. We have since moved him to a private room with twenty-four hour surveillance, in the event that something goes wrong. His last violent fit was three days ago, and he has not been awake since.

17th August

Heero finally awoke again today, although he was not himself. He was muttering under his breath, and completely ignored the orderlies who attended to him. He is rejecting food, although I much believe that it is because he cannot see what is being placed before him. I am convinced that Heero –despite his apparent consciousness – is oblivious to his surroundings. The only times he has shown any connection with his environment is earlier today when an orderly attempted to change his clothing. He had responded most violently, and pushed the orderly across the room, although further examination of the sequence on tape proved that he had not been looking at the orderly at all. It is my belief that it was merely a reflex action to the stimulus of being touched by a possible danger, and advise all other orderlies to be careful with what they do around the man.

19th August  
(Recording transposed by T. Barton)

Heero: It's all my fault…I should not have…there were so many things that…why? I was so foolish, so… (Incoherent muttering). He would still be alive…if only…if only…  
Dr. Winner: If only what?  
Heero: (Silence)  
Dr. Winner: Heero?  
Heero: (Silence)  
Dr. Winner: Can you hear me Heero?  
Heero: You killed him!  
(Sound of springs groaning; chair smashes; shouts)

21st August

He has been prone to excessive violence over the past few days. It is advised that the dosage of sedatives be increased.

25th August

He has been strongly sedated today after another violent fit where he threw an orderly out the window, then attempted to cut himself with a particularly large piece of glass from the broken window. The orderly suffered a broken wrist from before he was thrown, and a minor leg injury. He has been reassigned to the ground floor.

27th August

He was surprisingly aware when he woke up today. He asked an orderly for some water, and drank it without fuss when the request was granted. He also asked for a pen and a jotter pad, and has since been writing. He greeted me when I went in to check on him in the afternoon, but refused to release the details of what he was writing. We had a conversation about cars, where he pointed out the differences between the engines of many models of cars. When I asked him whether he knew where he was, he simply responded with "hospital". There was no surprise or alarm or uncertainty in his voice. I must express my own shock at his behavior, but it appeared that he was completely fine. I am watching him on the surveillance television as I write this report, and it appears that he is still writing on the jotter pad after completely forty-five pages since this morning. The orderly just came in a moment ago, and he requested another glass of water, an apple, and for the window in his room to be opened slightly so there would be more air. I request an increase in the security outside his window.

28th August

He has not yet awoken after falling asleep just before four A.M. this morning. I skimmed over his jotter pad when I visited this morning, and must profess my surprise when I realized it was a very detailed report on his life since the war. In my brief skim over the pages, I saw many mentions of a "best friend" whose name was never mentioned. I would have read more, but even in sleep, he appears to be very protective of his belongings, and soon tugged the pad out of my grasp and held it to his chest. As anxious as I may be to find out some actual background about what might have caused his current mental state, I dare not remove that which is keeping him momentarily sane.

31st August

Heero seems largely attached to his jotter pad and writing. He has been writing on and off for four days now, and has asked for more paper when his previous jotter pad ran out. Despite having finished an entire pad, he is still unwilling to let me see it. We have had several other conversations since he became aware of his surroundings, mostly about things of little consequence. I tried to ask him about his best friend at one point, however his writing stopped and the glare he gave me when I did was more than enough to frighten me into rethinking over my approach. Aside from that, Heero Yuy has shown no signs of aggression since he began to write.

3rd September

Heero has been awake for the past eighty hours and counting. When the orderlies approached him with sleeping pills, he declined them; and when they offered him food with ground up pills, he took only one small taste to discern that there were foreign agents in the food that he did not wish to take, and promptly threatened to "overreact and hurt somebody" if he was not left alone. I realize it may not be in the best interest of his bodily heath, however, it seems to be helping his psyche. He has become much more connected and much less irritable within the past week, and I am reluctant to retard any progress with this one considering how long it took for him to settle down. I am also begging that the department give me some more information regarding his background. There may be something there that might help with this case.

4th September  
(Recording transposed by T. Barton)

Dr. Winner: Hello Heero.  
Heero: (Scratching noises of a pen scribbling hurriedly over a piece of paper) Hello.  
Dr. Winner: How are you feeling today?  
Heero: About as well as I felt yesterday and the day before that.  
Dr. Winner: Chuckles Living in this room must become a bit of a drag after a while.  
Heero: Yes, but it is necessary. I've seen the cameras and voice recorders around the room, seen the guards patrolling outside my door and below my window. I understand I am dangerous, and have concluded from the careful air surrounding the orderlies and you that I have shown aggression previously. Therefore, I will make no demands save that you supply me with paper, a new pen, and food and water at regular intervals that has not been drugged.  
Dr. Winner: O-Of course.  
Heero: You are shocked that I know these things. I am surprised that you did not. Are you not the psychologist here? The one whose job is to enter my mind and find out what is growing there?  
Dr. Winner: (Chuckles) I suppose you are correct, however, it would be the job of an oncologist to deal with any abnormal growths in your brain.  
Heero: My mistake, Dr. Winner.

6th September

Heero had a bout of insanity this morning when he tried to stab himself with his pen. The orderlies and guards rushed in immediately and restrained him, although I must profess my shock at his sheer strength. Although I have seen it previously, I can still little believe how strong this man is. One would not realize from his small stature that it would take six trained guards and three orderlies to hold him down. He was sedated not long after, and has been sleeping ever since. Still, I am uncertain why his condition suddenly worsened, nor can I safely say why he became insane in the first place. Once again, I request that the department grant me access to his history.

7th September  
(Recording transposed by T. Barton)

Heero: I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Please…please don't go! Come…come back…I didn't mean it, I swear I didn't! Give me another chance…please…don't leave! Come back! Please, please I beg of you! Come back…come back…I…give me another chance! Don't…don't…no, please don't walk out tha-stop! Cries Come back! Don't…don't go…don't leave me. I didn't mean it! I swear I didn't! I- (sobbing)  
(Silence)

8th September

The patient has been suffering from reoccurring nightmares, all of which concerns somebody leaving. I am uncertain why he has suddenly begun to sleep talk, however, he has been doing it every night since his last violent moment. His conscious times have been productive, and I find myself becoming steadily intrigued by this young man. From what one hears at night, one is almost expecting a small, lonely child, frightened that his best friend is leaving him. But during the day, Heero Yuy is the epitome of control. He does not smile, does not laugh, nor does he show any strong emotions at all. When he speaks, he speaks with a collected and suppressed enthusiasm, and when he is listening, his face becomes a mask of indifference until he hears something worth expressing an emotion for. His blue eyes are almost always closed, not literally, but they are almost always cold. Even when his face is pulled into a frown, his eyes are still cold.  
He has thus far gone through six eighty page jotter pads, and is stacking them on his bedside table. He does not leave them there for reading however, and remains very protective of his writing. Nobody is allowed to read or touch them, and he hides them under his pillow when he sleeps. That is yet another abnormality, Heero's sleeping habits. When he sleeps, unless under the influence of drugs, it is always a wary sleep that has him jolting awake at the slightest noise. I believe this is, amongst other things, a habit acquired from his days as a soldier.  
Once again, I am insisting that the department grant me access to his past. I am becoming increasingly frustrated at being denied access to my patient's files, especially when his psychosis seems to be rather strongly attached to his time serving.

10th September  
(Test conducted by Dr. Q Winner; recorded by T. Barton)

Dr. Winner: Heero, I am going to show you several pictures, and I would like you to tell me what you see.  
Heero: Okay.  
_Dr. Winner holds up Card A._  
Heero: Blue ink splattered on a piece of white paper.  
Dr. Winner: Heero, you must be creative. Tell me what your mind sees, once you get past the "ink on paper" business.  
Heero: A butterfly.  
_Dr. Winner holds up Card B._  
Heero: A…mask? But it's broken…shattered at the top.  
_Dr. Winner holds up Card C_  
Heero: Two people having dinner.  
Dr. Winner: What gender?  
Heero: Does it truly matter?  
Dr. Winner: Yes.  
Heero: Fine, two _women_ having dinner.  
_Dr. Winner holds up Card D_  
Heero: Looks like an animal rug.  
_Dr. Winner holds up Card E_  
Heero: A bat, but it looks like it has some snapping creature attached to its wings.  
_Dr. Winner holds up Card F_  
Heero: I do not see the point in these pictures. Do they really help you understand my psyche?  
Dr. Winner: It could. Some doctors find this test horribly inaccurate, but I thought that we might has well try it anyway, just to see what sort of interesting explanations your mind ends up drawing to all these images.  
Heero: If you insist, well, I have no clue. What does that tell you? I have no imagination?  
Dr. Winner: Please don't get angry Heero. I understand this may seem tedious to you, but I would rather if you continued cooperating for just a moment longer.  
Heero: I don't see anything.  
_Dr. Winner holds up Card G_  
Dr. Winner: How about this one?  
Heero: I'm not sure…some sort of unusual cloud I suppose.  
_Dr. Winner holds up Card H_  
Heero: There's a war going on at the top of the picture, you can see the projectile weapons here moves forward to point. The rest of it, I'm not so sure…  
_Dr. Winner holds up Card I_  
Heero: (Rapid movement away) Get it away!  
Dr. Winner: Now Heero, please calm down.  
Heero: Appears frightened, hides behind desk Get it away! Take it away! Starts swinging his chair around  
Dr. Winner: Guards!

12th September

Although I am rather skeptical about the Rorschach test, and often the responses given seem perfectly normal to me, but has been supposedly interpreted as abnormal. However, Heero Yuy's responses does leave one troubled. In all my four years as a psychologist for this institution, I have never once come across so…powerful a response. He was genuinely frightened when I showed him the final card, and could not be restrained until he was given a strong shot of sedatives.  
He has recovered, and has returned to writing. When I saw him yesterday, he enchanted me with an in-depth report about one his missions during the war. In particular, he mentioned his partner Duo Maxwell who has never previously come up in conversation. He told of Maxwell's joker personality, and his tendency to exaggerate things. In the mission he was telling me about, it seemed that Maxwell had been captured by Oz forces, and he was rushing to retrieve his comrade. He told of his mission parameters as killing Maxwell and leaving, and how he had blatantly defied orders when he returned to base with Maxwell slung over his shoulder.  
I ran a search on Duo Maxwell, but returned nothing. I am certain there is information about Duo Maxwell, and this is one of the reasons why the department has been constantly denying my requests for Heero Yuy's background. Consider this yet another request.

17th September

Heero is showing steady improvement. He is sleeping normally now, and his EEG results showed no abnormalities in brain activity. During the day, he is very proper, if not rather anti-social. I believe that he should be allowed to move into a communal room in due time.

21st September

Heero has finished his almost month long writing endeavor, and has finally concluded his bout of writing after seven hundred and twenty two pages of writing. I was surprised when he offered the stack of notes, with his only explanation that he would no longer need it. He did not ask me to read it, but did request that I publish it. When I asked why, he did not reply.

25th September

Heero is being moved out of twenty-four hour surveillance, considering his behavior over the past month. He is still staying in his private room, although the security has been greatly decreased. I understand that this must be the head of department's decision after reading my reports, however, I do not think that the security should be lifted so absolutely. Regardless of all else, Heero Yuy is still a mental patient, and I would rather like it if he did not have the possibility of escaping. I understand that most of the security has been moved to patrol outside Captain Wufei Chang's room, however, I would like to remind head of department that this case is not even close to over yet.  
I have begun reading the stack of papers Heero gave me. So far, there has been no mention of names so to speak. He has named people as only "Best Friend" and "Dragon" and "Space Heart". There were a few mentions of "Shinigami", and research has landed me with the Japanese God of Death. I apologize for being unproductive, but my analysis thus far of his writing has yielded me little else.

28th September

We finally allowed Heero out of his room today. The security on him was outrageously frugal for someone who could potentially win a fight against eight men. However, there were no incidents, which I suppose must be what the head of department was expecting. Heero was very tranquil throughout the entire day, and spoke very little. However, there have been subtle changes. His posture is now more relaxed, and the tenseness in his shoulders has vanished. His blue eyes are more expressive, and he even smiled. I admit that he is progressing nicely, although I have know just as little now as I did when I first started working on his case.

30th September  
(Recording transcribed by T. Barton)

Dr. Winner: Who is Shinigami?  
Heero: My best friend.  
Dr. Winner: And who is your best friend.  
Heero: It doesn't matter anymore. I will be with him again soon.  
Dr. Winner: How?  
Heero: He is waiting for me Quatre, waiting for me in Elysium.  
Dr. Winner: Elysium?  
Heero: Yes Quatre, Duo is waiting for me there.  
Dr. Winner: Duo Maxwell?  
Heero: He is waiting for Space Heart as well, Space Heart and Dragon and the Lion Tamer.  
Dr. Winner: Those are people from your story.  
Heero: I can't use their real names, but the fake names would do. Please see to it that it is published Quatre, and maybe someday, you will understand.

1st November

I cannot berate myself enough for how stupid I was. Elysium, the home of the blessed after death. I should have known, should have upped the warning, but I did not. I failed him, failed him more than I can say. It bothers me even more that, even now, as I sit here writing this report while Heero's body enters the furnace, I do not know the story of Heero Yuy. I know there is more to his final conversation with me than what I interpreted, and yet I can never be sure because he is no longer here.  
I have solved a section of the puzzle though. Duo Maxwell, the Best Friend and Shinigami, died according to Heero's account only two months prior to him being admitted to this institution. Apparently they had gotten into an argument over something that Heero remembered, but Duo did not. Heero had called him a liar, and Duo had stormed out in a fit of rage, apparently due to his own betrayal that his best friend would call him such a thing. There is more to this story than I know, but I do not suppose we will ever find out. Regardless, Maxwell went into a fit of rage and overindulged in alcohol at a bar before attempting to return home, despite his intoxication. He never made it back, and Heero has been blaming himself for the death.  
The other names are still mysteries to me, and I do not suppose I will ever find out. I have received word that I am to attend to Captain Wufei Chang, since his previous doctor was reassigned. It seems that the captain has been suffering from random bouts of violence, similar to Heero's condition. I do not understand why the department has ordered me to do it however, considering that my last patient ended up slitting his wrists with broken glass. I was rather hoping for a break before resuming work again.

7th November

Despite my reluctance, it appears that the department was unrelenting and I now find myself working on Captain Wufei Chang's case. Regardless, I do hope that the department would be more helpful this time around. Perhaps that way, we can save a soldier instead of letting him die.

* * *

**Endnotes:**

Inconclusive, I know. Well, I'll leave you to draw up your own conclusions I suppose. A side note is that the ink blot test (Rorschach test) is something that used to be implemented widely by psychologists, however, the controversy regarding its accuracy eventually led to it being used less and less. When I was writing about it, I went on the internet and found a site that had ten different plates, with an explanation down the side of what you should see and what you shouldn't. Heero's responses were almost all my own responses, and I neglected one plate due to my inability to see anything in it (I also cut the responses down so that it was only one per plate, mostly because I understood the question first as to name what you see first and only what you see first (cough)). I must also make the note that I can see why this test is no longer widely used. According to it, Heero in this story(and hence myself mostly) have trouble relating to people, am a homosexual, am hostile, have anxiety, have poor social development, and lets not go into the final plate. I absolutely freaked when I saw that image (it was so messy…), even though it wasn't meant to be scary at all…


End file.
